Lovesick

My son's father, baby daddy, boyfriend, future husband...whatever you want to label him as is leaving once again. Saying that I'm going to miss him is an understatement! Next week at this time he'll be hitting the highway, driving 1000 plus miles away. This is the last stretch for him to complete his Ph.D. We were supposed to have a long and carefree summer until it was decided he has to complete his dissertation this summer in order to increase job security and ultimately secure tenure down the line. It's been such a long road..we've been through so much and I've had to sacrifice in many ways, mostly in putting myself aside and our child first so that he can complete his goals. But in all work, most of the hard work is done.

Long distance describes our on/off relationship in general, as he seeks new methods and opportunities to provide. It's very stressful that everything occurs far away, and in order to not displace our son from stability, we stay behind and see him once a month maybe. For 10 months he was just a couple hours away, maybe 5 the most in traffic. Got used to it, along with the weekly visits...now it will be a couple months til we see him again... :( It's so easy to stay in love when you admire the parenting..the father/son relationship. He also appreciates me more because he's been more of a direct witness to my hard work.

In the past week I've driven several times and several hours to help and spend time before he leaves..surprisingly, I've gone alone at times, weekends or day off bring our son up. I think in all the years since becoming parents, we never had one whole day and night alone! But as I'm having fun I'm also sad as I count down the days til he leaves...but at the same time I'm counting down the days until his graduation..PH.D! and stability..followed by marriage, house, and some siblings for our son..and my matriculation in graduate school (hopefully a state college/university so I can attend for free--a perk from his job) FINALLY!

Anyway, I'm so proud of you and appreciate your hard work, as well as your commitment and efforts as a father to our son. I admire your strength and determination, and so proud that our son has such a great role model of a young, black male!